Selfies

I may sound like a total killjoy, but I really do not get the concept of the “Selfie” Why do we not just call them what they really are, “Me, Me, Me’s!!!”. How self absorbed of a society have we become?Photos should celebrate or document significant places and occasions in time; not every burp, scratch and fart people do in a day. If some find this offensive, then delete it or me. Fortunately, I have the right to post my opinions, just as everyone has the right post their “Me,Me,Me’s”, and that I would not change for anything.

What’s On the Menu?

I don’t know why or when the trend began of restaurants listing their menu selections in such a way, that the average reader would need a copy of the “Oxford English Dictionary” with them, just to figure out what the ingredients are. Which really sucks, because how many average readers carry a dictionary with them these days? Oh yes, I forgot about “Apps”. One could always download a dictionary “App” to their “smart phone”,but I digress (look that up on your “App”). Anyway, almost every restaurant has the tomato, mozzarella, and basil appetizer with oil and vinegar on the menu, yet they try so hard to make it like their patrons will be provided with this fabulously new taste sensation; until it arrives at the table.  One place had “smoked mozzarella water” as an ingredient.  It’s difficult  enough to get clean, fresh water without adding smoke to it. Oh and the tomatoes, such varieties, are used; plum, heirloom, beefsteak, listen no matter what type of tomato is used if it is not ripe, it’s going to taste awful, anyone can tell you that. And the oils and vinegar’s they use, so many types, just to make it extra special. Listen, when patrons are paying a good amount of their money on a meal, we just want the facts, and if it is cooked correctly, it will be pleasing to our average little palates, so please chefs and restaurateurs’, don’t try to intimidate your guest, just make them feel welcome,and well fed. We’ll be back for more. By the way the item on the menu for dinner in our home tonight is “Untidy Josephs” I mean “Sloppy Joes”.

 

Shop the Perimeter

Those who give out advice on weight loss, often advise people to shop the perimeter of the grocery store as that is where the healthier choices are. Obviously the advisors never shopped in my grocery store. On one side there is the bakery department, and on the other is “Frozen Foods” hello , ice cream. The back of the store is the deli department with all of the salty, fatty goodies;and then there are all of the candy bars staring at you on the way through the check out, just incase you were trying to escape  Looks like my only choice is to be dropped in through the roof by helicopter in order to avoid temptation.

Check-Out Pregnancy Test

Don’t worry; they are not going to start doing pregnancy screenings in the checkout line of the supermarket, similar to the ones passengers must endure at the airport. The reason, I chose this title, is because there couldn’t be another that would fit. Now we all know how the check-out line at the grocery store usually has such varied and sundry items as pens, playing cards, or a travel size tooth brush and tooth paste. Such merchandise is placed there, because they are usually the items you forget you needed until you are in the check-out queue. But Pregnancy Tests? First of all, women purchase these tests because if there is a chance we may be pregnant, we become consumed with the thought. It is not like “oh we could use some AA batteries and maybe I’m pregnant, think I’ll pick up a test”. To make matters worse this was in the check-out of a “Dollar Store”, all items cost a dollar. How reliable could they be? To reference a popular television commercial “dollar store: good, pregnancy test: good, dollar store pregnancy test; probably not good”.

Mondays

I don’t know why everyone complains about Monday’s. If you say good morning to someone on a Monday , you might get a smile or a grunt back in response. Monday’s should be embraced as a chance to star anew, a clean slate for a brand new week; like starting a diet. I myself start one every single Monday.

Happy Family, Really?

Ah yes, here I am, once again; stuck in traffic on a Monday morning, when what do I see staring at me? but another entire family of nauseatingly happy stick figure decals plastered across the rear-view window of an SUV. Really? , is that family really that happy? All holding hands, looking like they are ready to burst into a chorus of Kumbaya, amazing; most of us are not so that lucky. How about some real life family situation stickers like: A bill collector calling, with Mom yelling at the kids “Don’t answer the phone”, or Dad laying on the couch drinking a beer, while Mom vacuums the carpet. If you ask me, if you need to prove to everyone you’re that happy, then you probably are not. How about people stop trying to prove they are happier than everyone else, and join the the rest of us, just trying to get to work

Adult Situations?

While watching television the other night, the “this program contains adult situations” warning came on prior to the start of the program. Now this statement usually indicates some type of sexual content is involved in the program, and I started musing to myself, “adult situations”? Do adult situations only involve sex? I think not. There are plenty of situations we as adults have to deal with on a daily basis, that have nothing to do with the sex. Work related issues such as project deadlines or crazy coworkers, family issues which today are also known as “family dynamics”; for those of us too educated to just admit we have a family that’s just as eccentric as everyone else thinks theirs is; and let’s not forget about financial situations; also known as “I don’t know what the finance charge is, I just bought it” Now these are what I call “adult situations”. Too bad nobody presents us with a warning before we end up facing these real situations head on, but then again, that’s what makes life the most interesting show to watch.

Ahh! Cookies and Milk

In the first years of your marriage, when the kids are little, and couple time comes at a premium, most women think; “Wow I would just love to be alone with my husband for the evening”. However, when the kids have grown, and there are more opportunities’ for couples to share their evenings with each other, a woman’s thoughts tend change to “Wow, I’m so tired. I would just love to have an evening alone. I mean it would be nice to spend the evening with my husband, but at this point it my life it would also be nice to have some “Oreos” and a glass of milk; besides they come in “Double Stuffed” now, don’t they?”

When am I Ever Going to Use Math?

“When am I Ever Going to Use Math? ” I used to ask myself that question all of the time when I was in high school. How can this ever help me. I certainly wasn’t going to be a math teacher or an accountant. Besides back in the day calculators were coming in to use, and today, well if a calculation involves more than a point and click, it can probably wait.  That was my train of thought for the longest time. That is until I went back to school to get my Bachelor’s degree, and discovered I had to take not one but two math classes. I am sure that my screams of horror are still echoing somewhere across the cosmos. Anyway, here I am, pencils sharpened and ready to go; I have to show my calculations, not the calculators. This time around though, I am really going to try get a handle on this math thing. Besides, you never know when your flight from Australia may crash-land on the beach of some remote tropical Island. There you are stuck on the beach with a limited supply of food and water, and no electronic devices to figure out how to divide them equally among everyone. If you knew how to do math you could write calculations in the sand, next to the big “HELP” sign you just drew.  And later on you can, you will be able to calculate equal amounts of coconuts, fruit and fish as well. I bet that if  those people who were stuck on “The Island” had known how to use math, they would have been rescued  in no time, minus all the freak shows.